


I was looking for a friend when you gave me your hand and promised me a family.

by jellyfic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, From Childhood to Adulthood, Gen, Growing Up, Kuroo is a Kozume agenda, Kuroo’s sister, M/M, kuroo character study, married kuroken, mention of family problems, non linear story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:15:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28259841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfic/pseuds/jellyfic
Summary: A story about how Kuroo gets a key to the Kozume’s house and how the Kozumes get a key to Kuroo’s heart.—Kuroo barely has time to step into the neighbor’s house before he already knows. This household belongs to the happy type of families. A single look at the mother’s smile, greeting them in the entry, is enough to give him a hint. But more than that, it’s the way the father puts a hand on her shoulder and smiles back at them, and the way the mother’s hand ruffles the hair of their child hiding behind her legs.They are warm, and Kuroo’s heart swells with happiness and envy.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou & Kenma’s parents
Comments: 19
Kudos: 130





	I was looking for a friend when you gave me your hand and promised me a family.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story that holds a special place in my heart, even though I have mixed feelings about it ahah. Thank you for giving it a try! 
> 
> Thank you [Esther ](https://twitter.com/ffskuroo?s=21) and [ Luna ](https://twitter.com/lunamoon_28?s=21) for talking about the idea with me long time ago. Thank you Esther again and also [Jamo ](https://twitter.com/marmaladerolle?s=21) for beta reading this for me, you were both of a huge help! Go take a look at their account, they have wonderful fics and art!

  
This is the greatest day of his life.

Kuroo looks at the mirror, hands immediately going up to reach for his tie and undo the knot, unsatisfied with how loose and twisted it is. His hands are trembling, even though he has no reasons to be anxious. As he finishes tying his black tie, he looks at his own reflected eyes and can’t help but repeat again and again in his mind that he is loved, he has a family and he is happy. The knot in his stomach and the rushed beat of his heart have no right to exist today, and yet here he is, sighing frustratedly and bringing his hands to his tie once more, ready to snatch it away and start over. 

But before he can undo it again, a light hand settles itself on his own and he jumps at the contact, surprised that he isn’t alone in the room anymore. His eyes raise to meet a pair of golden ones and he sighs, relieved, when he sees the soothing features of Kenma’s mother. She smiles fondly at him and brings her other hand to his shoulder, guiding him to look at her. He does. 

Mrs. Kozume has always had this soothing aura around her, that she has also passed to her son. Kuroo is very familiar with the warmth encircling him, and has been since he was a kid, no older than nine. He feels his shoulders relax and his frown disappear as if she has pulled a magic trick on him. She probably did; the Kozumes have always been good at soothing him. 

“Your tie is fine Tetsu-kun. You look handsome,” she says after a beat, eyes sparkling with pride. 

He can’t help the chuckle from his mouth, half-strangled because of his overwhelmed heart, full of emotions. He quickly gathers his thoughts, and clears his throat, knowing he could break and start crying in front of her. Not that she has never seen him cry, or ever considered him being weak for it, but right now is not the time for him to get emotional. He is going to stand in front of a small crowd in a few minutes, and he doesn’t want to walk through the benches with his eyes even more red and swollen. 

Mrs. Kozume gently pats his cheek, and asks, voice barely above a whisper. “Is everything okay?” 

The question doesn’t throw him off guard, since he is used to her asking it, but he still feels a bit dizzy as it reaches his mind. How could he not feel okay? He is nervous yes, even though he has no reasons to be, but he has never felt this happy and loved in his life. It’s suffocating, to the point he wonders if he is worthy of so much praise and attention, but he knows now whether he deserves it or not, it’s here. And he wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. So he smiles, it’s small but sincere. 

She smiles back, and lightly taps his shoulder, signalling him that it is time. But Kuroo doesn’t move with her when she starts walking, he watches her back, frozen in place. He feels tears gathering in his eyes when he realizes what has made him anxious all this time, and he breathes out before she opens the door:

“Will you be the one leading me?” 

Mrs. Kozume stops to a halt, hands hovering over the handle. She turns around, eyes widely open and shiny. Her voice trembles when she demands him to repeat, but Kuroo’s is firmer, surer, because at this moment, aside from marrying Kenma, there’s nothing he wants more. 

“Will you take my arm and lead me to the altar?” 

She laughs, bright and light, tears rolling down her cheeks. She is holding her shawl tightly when she finally answers airily: 

“Come on, Testu-kun, I have makeup to keep intact.” She wipes the tears away and Kuroo laughs, feeling his heart burst. “But yes. Yes, of course. I’d be honored to.” 

Kuroo swallows down his sob, smiling, and when she extends her hand to him, he accepts it gratefully. 

__________

  
  


Kuroo has a family. At least, he thinks so. 

He comes home to a mother, a father, and even an older sister. They live together in a big house, big enough for him to have his own bedroom, and even his own playing room. Sometimes, if he’s lucky enough, they eat together, gathered around the table in the kitchen while everyone listens to him talking about his day silently. On the less lucky days, he comforts himself knowing that they’re still living together, compared to some of his friends, whose moms and dads don’t live in the same house. 

He thinks it’s what it feels like to have a family. After all, he learned at school that the words ‘mom’, ‘dad’ and ‘siblings’ all referred to the definition of a family. 

Except that there are some things that don't add up with the definition that his teacher gave to them. She talked about affection, about pride and care, she talked about love. Kuroo is a good kid, he tries to learn and be great at school, but truly, he has difficulties understanding that part. So he asks, but the answers only confuse him more. 

His parents never bid him goodnight, and he didn’t know bedtime stories were a thing before his teacher told him about it. He knows what hugs are, he loves them. They are warm, but he doesn’t get a lot of them, and he has always thought he had to earn them. He has earned a few ones already, when he gives his family a gift for example. He didn’t know crying could be a good reason to receive a hug though, he had never received one when he was sad. 

He has gifts too, mainly toys, that he likes a lot because his parents offered them to him. But he always plays alone. He has always thought it was normal, his mom and dad were busy with work, and his sister was busy with school. Sometimes, on the weekends, his sister is kind enough to join him and play, but it never lasts long, and she always ends up tired and frustrated when he asks her to stay for a bit more. 

So there is something wrong in the equation, and Kuroo can’t help but investigate further. Since he has difficulties with his teacher’s words, he does what she always tells them to do; he looks it up in the dictionary. 

family noun: a group of one or more parents and their children living together as a unit.

So he does have a family, because he has parents, they have children, and they all live together, as a unit, he guesses. So what about love? What about pride and affection? What about being united? 

“Onee-san?” Kuroo asks, slightly opening the door to his sister’s room and popping his head through the free space. She looks up at him from where she's laying on her bed and clicks her tongue, clearly annoyed to be interrupted. 

“What?” She spits, frowning, putting her phone down. 

Usually, Kuroo would just close the door and walk away. His sister doesn’t like being interrupted. But this time, she actually looked up at him and even let her phone to the side, so he guesses she doesn’t mind that much. So he pushes the door open, but stays at the doorway, knowing she doesn’t like when he comes in. 

“What’s really a family?” His voice is curious, and he stands up straight, waiting for her answer. 

His question seems to take her by surprise, as she raises her brows. “What’s with the question?” 

Kuroo shrugs. “Just asking.” 

She snorts at him, sitting up on her bed and taking back her phone. She looks at him one last time before telling, voice harsh and sarcastic, a bit hurt. “I don’t know what’s a family, but certainly not what the people in this household are.” 

Kuroo is a bit thrown off by the answer and doesn’t move, not knowing what to say. He doesn’t like the answer to his question, he doesn’t like the way his sister’s eyes turn sad when she looks back at her phone, and he hates how his heart squeezes. 

She’s typing on her phone when she adds, “Don’t ask mom and dad. Stop thinking about it and go play Tetsu. I’m busy.” 

As much as his sister’s words hurt, they allowed him to understand one thing. There are two types of family. The one with the dictionary’s definition, and the one with his teacher’s explanation. There are the families bound by love and trust, and on the other side, the families bound by only blood. 

His family is on the other side. 

As much as it hurts, he can’t complain. At least, he can say he has one. The more he grows up, the more he hates it, but he still doesn’t say anything, because he has a house, because he’s not alone. He sure feels lonely, even more when his sister is in her last year of high school, and every night there are screams all around the house. 

“I can’t wait for this hell to be over, so I can move away from all of your bullshit!” She yells one night, as they’re all eating dinner, before running to her room and locking her inside. 

Kuroo hears her crying all night, talking on the phone to a friend. He’s nervous and sad, afraid that she’ll actually move out and leave him alone in the house. He doesn’t want that - they already don’t look like a family, but without her, it would be worse. 

He is nine years old when she graduates. He and his mother go with her to the airport, his father stays home. His sister hugs him tight, she’s crying and says that she's sorry for leaving him. Kuroo says it’s fine. It’s not. She flies away without saying goodbye to their mother. 

Two weeks later, his mom leaves the house. He and his dad move out too, settling at his grandparents’. He’s laying on his bed the day after he moves in, looking at the definition of the world he knows by heart by now. He still has one parent with him, and he’s still a child, and they still live together in a house. 

But it doesn’t feel like a family. 

It hits Kuroo then; he doesn’t have a family anymore. 

He doesn’t hear from his sister again, and his mother becomes a forbidden subject in conversations, if not at all. His grandparents are fine, they’re kind to him and actually talk to him, but they’re old and not used to having so many people in their house anymore. So they are often grumpy and engage in a lot of fights with his father. Kuroo doesn’t know what’s worse, having a silent household or a violent one. 

Kuroo’s walking back home from his third day of school when he hears the screams again. He isn’t even close to his house yet, and he can hear them already. He feels sorry for the neighbors. He doesn’t want to enter the house though, so he sits on the sidewalk, picking at the grass, waiting for the fight to calm down. It does eventually when his dad storms out of the house, probably heading for a night out with friends. He’ll come back later tonight, and will slop on his bed for days with the horrible smell of alcohol emanating from him.

When Kuroo finally steps into the house, his grandmother immediately pushes him to his room.

“Go and get ready Tetsurou. Put on some nice clothes.” Her eyes are slightly red, and her voice small, but she smiles softly at him. 

“Why?” he asks, dropping his bag on the bed, already getting rid of his uniform. 

“We’re eating at the neighbors’ tonight, they wanted to meet you.” She pats his head and turns around. “Do your homework, and when you’re done we’ll be going.” 

“Will dad come?” 

She shakes her head slightly and closes the door behind her with a sigh. 

Kuroo barely has time to step into the neighbor’s house before he already knows. This household belongs to the happy type of families. A single look at the mother’s smile, greeting them in the entry, is enough to give him a hint. But more than that, it’s the way the father puts a hand on her shoulder and smiles back at them, and the way the mother’s hand ruffles the hair of their child hiding behind her legs.

They are warm, and Kuroo’s heart swells with happiness and envy. 

_____________

  
  


Kuroo doesn’t know why he made a fuss about not crying earlier when he knew he would cry the moment he entered the room. All his efforts to look presentable are thrown away when he faces the hallway, looking at the guest all turned to him, smiling. He refrains the sob, but his eyes fill up with tears as he takes Mrs Kozume’s arm and nods. They walk together slowly, passing by the benches to the altar. 

Kuroo tries not to look too much at the guests, knowing that making eye contact with some of them would actually make him cry. So he looks ahead, grounding himself with Kozume’s hold. Then, she lets him go in a smile, and he faces the crowd, waiting for his soon-to-be husband. 

He can’t help it, his eyes scan the crowd, and he feels his heart swell with happiness at the faces he knows too well. Everyone is here, smiling at him. He sees his ex-teammates all sitting on the same bench, sending him thumbs up and crooked smiles. He notices Bokuto, seated at the edge of the first bench, visibly restraining himself from fidgeting. He’s at the best man’s place, and just next to him, Kuroo crosses his own eyes, staring back at him. 

His sister is sitting calmly, a small smile on her face and tears in her eyes, seated at the best girl’s place. Kuroo’s heart is almost melting at the amount of pride, love and warmth he feels, and he has to look away before he really bursts into tears. He wants to keep them inside for as long as he can, knowing they’ll eventually come out when he’ll make his speech for Kenma. 

As he tears his gaze away from his sister, his eyes fall on the man standing a few feet away from him, between the line of benches. Golden eyes meet his. Kuroo’s breath is taken away. 

Kenma is beautiful. Standing in his black attire, hair neatly braided in a crown, some strands falling in his neck, letting some of his hair free. He’s holding on his father’s arm, and he’s smiling directly at him. Kuroo is at loss for words, and he can do nothing else but stare. Look at the love of his life, whose eyes locked on his never fails to make him weak, whose looks will always make his heart flutter, and whose smile makes him forget how to breathe. Kenma is stunning. 

He never doubted it, but now more than ever, Kuroo knows; he wants to be at Kenma’s side for as long as life will allow him. He wants to reach out, his fingers are itching to run themselves through the blonde’s hair, and he has to tap his feet on the floor to prevent himself from closing the gap between them. But god, it’s ridiculous how even a few feet apart, he finds himself being drawn to Kenma’s pull. 

His heart misses a beat when Kenma takes the first step. 

Kuroo doesn’t have to reach out now. He’s not a kid anymore. He doesn’t have to run for love, he doesn’t have to be the one closing the gap. He has already made his step, he has already walked toward his love. 

Now it is Kenma’s turn to reach him. 

And Kenma does. Step after step, he joins Kuroo in the middle. 

_____________

  
  


Kuroo is picking at the grass in front of his house, sitting on the sidewalk when he notices his neighbor looking at him not far away. Kenma, he remembers, is hesitating climbing up the stairs to his house, looking at him through furrowed brows. He still has his bag on his back, and is playing with the hem of his shirt. 

Kuroo remembers that night a week ago when they played video games together when he visited the Kozume house for the first time. It was fun, Kuroo has to admit. But he noticed how anxious the boy was next to him, and they barely talked that night. Kuroo guessed Kenma wasn’t much of an open person, and liked to be alone, so Kuroo didn’t bother coming back to him. He wants to, Kenma seems fun, but he doesn’t want to sound rude or force a friendship on his neighbor. 

Kuroo notices the way Kenma sighs, and can even hear the small groan when he turns away from his house and walks to Kuroo instead. Kuroo perks up, feeling his heartbeat accelerate. He reminds himself to be gentle and not panic when Kenma stops a foot away from him, looking at his feet. Kuroo can’t bring himself to look away from the boy’s face. He’s biting on his lips, drops of sweat on his temple, eyebrows so knotted together that Kuroo wonders if Kenma will be able to relax them ever again. 

“What are you doing here alone?” Kenma asks, and Kuroo almost misses it, the sound so quiet he has to bend down a little. 

Kuroo quickly looks to his house behind him, where the shouts could be heard, like every day at this hour. “Uh,” he turns back to Kenma but keeps his gaze locked on the space between them. He can’t bring himself to tell the truth. “Nothing. I’m just bored.” 

He looks up just enough to see Kenma looking at his house too and feels his heart sink to his stomach. Kenma nods. 

“Do you maybe want to play with me?”

Kuroo finally looks at Kenma, eyes round, surprised. “At your house?” 

Kenma begins playing with his fingers, and Kuroo realizes his question might have been insensitive. “I mean, we can play another game if you want.” 

Kuroo stands up quickly, startling Kenma and runs to his living room. He comes back not even seconds after, and Kenma stares at his extended hands, surprised. He holds the volleyball between them, heart racing, insecurity creeping at the back of his head when Kenma frowns at the ball. He probably should have asked first.

But Kenma just shrugs and nods. They walk together to the park Kuroo saw on his way there the first day he moved in. Kuroo teaches Kenma how to set the ball, and soon enough, they are both throwing the ball at each other silently. For the first time in a long time, Kuroo is happy, the ghost of a smile hovering on his lips, content to have someone to play with. 

The last time he played volleyball was with his sister. She used to play for fun in high school, and when she was in a good mood she would play with him in the backyard for an entire afternoon. Those were the best memories Kuroo had of this time, the way she would smile when they could do over thirty tosses, the way she would laugh when the ball would crash against his face. 

He is grateful to have a friend. Someone he can play volleyball with, the only way he knows how to really have fun. And so they play together until the sun starts to set and Kenma has to go back to his house before his mother reprimands him. 

Kuroo goes to middle school, and his grandmother judges him old enough to go around the neighborhood alone. So to free his mind, to find something to do when he can’t sleep and have too much pent-up energy to release, he runs every morning. He wakes up early, puts on some sports clothes and just runs around the street for an hour before coming back and preparing for school. When his grandparents ask him why he does it, he says it’s for volleyball practice, to make sure he has stamina. They never question him. 

He is running in the dark of the early morning one day, when he passes in front of Kenma’s house and notices the light coming from his friend’s bedroom. Kenma and he are enough of good friends now for Kuroo to know that Kenma isn’t one to wake up early to prepare for school. If anything, he’s the kind to stay in bed until noon if he could. 

Confused, Kuroo stops. He looks around him to see if there is anything he could throw at the window without breaking it and settles on his shoes. He shoots it at the window and has to wait thirty seconds before Kenma appears, frowning. Kuroo waves, his lips curving up. It takes Kenma a while to open the window, clearly startled. He hisses: 

“What are you doing out so early?” 

Kuroo’s smile grows wider, and he arches a brow. “I’m working out but what are you doing awake already?” Kenma wrinkles his nose and grumbles something that Kuroo can’t hear. But it’s pretty obvious. “Kenma, did you stay up all night to play video games?”

“I did not stay up!” he counters hastily in a loud whisper. “I woke up early to play.” 

Kuroo puts his hand on his hips and reprimands, “That’s not good for your health!” 

Kenma rolls his eyes and Kuroo is about to call him out on it when the light of Kenma’s room turns on and Mrs. Kozume’s voice echoes. Kenma disappears from the window’s frame for a bit and Kuroo can hear him argue for a while. When a new face appears at the window, hair dishevelled and eyes shooting a glare at him, Kuroo flinches. 

“What are you doing outside at 5AM Tetsurou?” Mrs Kozume yells, clearly upset. Kuroo winces at the use of his full name. 

“See, that’s what I was asking him!” Kenma chants in the back, and Kuroo wants to hit him for the betrayal. 

“I’m not talking to you, Kenma,” his mother says, turning back to the inside of the room for a second. “And I’m not done with you, you’re going to get punished my sweet boy.” She turns back to Kuroo, pointing an accusing finger. “And you, it’s not safe to run when it’s still dark outside. And you really think we wouldn’t hear you throwing your shoe at the window?” 

Kuroo shivers and bows down deeply, screaming a loud “Sorry!” 

“You better be!” Mrs. Kozume answers. “Now get back to your house kid, and tell your grandmother that you’re not old enough for this!” 

Kuroo finds himself fidgeting in his bed the next morning, itching to go out for a run. He hasn’t slept for the whole night, stressed at the fact that he couldn’t go out to get rid of his pent-up energy in the morning. He could, really, Mrs. Kozume wouldn’t know about it, but she had been worried for him the previous day, and it is something that he hasn’t experienced a lot. So he doesn’t want to disappoint her. 

He knows his grandparents are already up, probably making coffee and cooking something that he could bring to school, but he doesn’t want to go down either. His grandfather has the upsetting habit of complaining a lot, and even though Kuroo can’t blame him, he’s not in the mood for that this early in the morning. He is considering working out in his room when a knock on his door startles him. He quickly hides under the cover and fake a sleepy voice. 

“Yes?” he croaks out, slowly emerging from under the blanket to look at his grandmother opening the door. 

“Are you awake, Tetsurou?” she asks, murmuring. 

“I am now. What is it?” he asks, standing up on his elbow, brows knitted together in confusion. It is the first time his grandmother has come to wake him up before school time. 

“There’s someone at the door for you. He’s asking if you want to run with him?” She smiles at him when he straightens up in a sitting position, eyebrows raised. 

“What? Who?” 

“The neighbor,” she says happily, content to see that Kuroo has a friend, but it’s hard to believe for him that Kenma would wake up early to run. 

Nonetheless, Kuroo gets out of bed and changes clothes, putting his shoes on in record time. He’s running down the corridors not even five minutes later and comes to halt when he sees the man talking with his grandparents. Unsurprisingly, it is not Kenma, but Kuroo freezes at the doorway, not expecting this.

“Mr. Kozume?” 

Kenma’s father turns to him, smiling widely. He’s wearing sports clothes, holding a bottle of water in his hand. 

“Hi Testu! Ready to go?” He asks, and Kuroo is too stunned to answer anything, so he nods instead, waving at his grandparents before leaving the house, following his best friend’s dad. 

They start scampering side to side once in the street, and Kuroo feels his muscle unwind. He hasn’t even started but he already feels good, early morning fresh air brushing his skin. He’s a bit intimidated running alongside Mr. Kozume, but the man has always been kind to him, playing video games with him and Kenma, and listening to him ramble about his day when he would eat at their house. 

“My wife told me you started running early. It’s not that safe for you to run alone at this hour you know?” the man says between two breaths, slowly accelerating his step. 

Kuroo shrugs. “I just like running when it’s still dark. It helps me be calmer during the day too.” 

Mr. Kozume laughs, looking at him. “That, I can understand.” 

“Thank you for running with me, but you don’t have to force yourself.” Kuroo mumbles, rose creeping on his cheeks. He feels guilty that the man probably had to wake up earlier just so Kuroo could exercise before going to school. 

“Nonsense!” he answers, waving his hand. “I run every day, I just start two hours later. I don’t mind waking up earlier for it, it’ll allow me to spend a bit more time with my wife after and see my son going to school in the morning!” 

Kuroo nods but doesn’t answer, not wanting to sound ungrateful. They fall into a good pace together, and surprisingly, running with Mr. Kozume is a lot of fun. They talk a lot. Kuroo tells him about school and volleyball, and in exchange he listens to the man’s problems at work. It’s far from boring, Mr. Kozume has always had this pull to him, that makes everything he is willing to share interesting. Kuroo guesses it’s a Kozume thing. 

And as they run together every other day, sharing their days and life experience together, Kuroo slowly finds in Mr. Kozume what he would have loved to find in his own father. 

_______________

  
  


Kuroo has long given up in containing his tears, letting them fall freely on his cheeks. He doesn’t care anymore, he’s happy to be at Kenma’s side, he’s delighted to marry him, and his tears are just another way to show it to the world. Plus, Kenma is not any better. He’s trying really hard to keep the tears from falling, but Kuroo can easily see the way his eyes shine, glossy in the light of the room. 

He takes Kenma’s hand, turning the ring between his fingers, and locks his eyes into Kenma’s. He takes a deep breath, but his voice still trembles when he says: 

“This man, Kozume Kenma, I marry. No matter what the health situation is,” Kuroo smiles softly, as he passes the ring on Kenma’s fingers, “I will love this person, respect this person, protect this person, help this person, until death, vowing fidelity.” He gently pulls Kenma’s hand to his mouth and kisses the ring. Kenma rolls his eyes. “I swear.” 

There’s a comforting silence wrapping them. It’s only Kenma and he, he and Kenma, both together, promising forever. 

“This man, Kuroo Tetsurou, I marry.” Kenma answers and Kuroo’s heart melts at the smile on his face. “I will love this person, respect this person, protect this person, help this person, until death, vowing fidelity.” 

Kenma pauses, head tilting to the side, staring at him as if he wants for the world to stop for a moment, just so they can look at each other for a moment longer. Kuroo wants to do exactly the same, engraving each detail of Kenma’s frame in his mind, so as to never ever forget how beautiful and important this day is. Kenma is giving him a family, once again. 

“I swear.” 

___________

  
  


Kuroo frowns, keeping his eyes locked on his feet all while making sure the bowl of water in his hand is balanced enough to prevent water from spilling. He climbs the stairs one by one and takes extra care when he pushes Kenma’s door open with his back. He gives the bowl to Kenma’s mother standing on one side of the bed and runs to the other side, so he can be next to his friend. 

“I’m sorry,” Kuroo breathes out, not for the first time. 

He feels miserable. His hands find the sheets, and he plays with it, eyes glued to Kenma’s pained face. Kenma is the only true friend he has, and yet Kuroo has still found a way to hurt him. 

“Tetsu-kun, if you keep on saying sorry I will ask you to wait in the living room,” Mrs. Kozume reprimands him lightly, voice empty of any anger. 

Kuroo closes his lips in a firm line. He would have preferred for her to be mad - after all, if Kenma is sick it’s partly his fault. 

He had been so happy to be in the same school as Kenma, so happy to have his friend at his side that he didn’t think about Kenma’s health once when he half-forced Kenma to join the volleyball team. Their middle school volleyball team isn’t really strong, but he was sure that having Kenma by their side would help them be better. Kenma is talented and has a powerful mind, Kuroo was sure he would be of great help. 

Kenma had agreed, because Kenma always agrees with him. Kenma is nice like that, even if he grumbles when he doesn’t want to. Kuroo hadn’t thought playing that much would get his best friend sick, though. But they had had their first competition yesterday, and everyone had given their all to lead the team to victory. Kenma had outdone himself and was now forced to stay in bed with a bad fever. The worst in all that, is that they didn’t even win. 

“Stop thinking about it Tetsu-kun. It’s just going to last the day, he’ll be fine tonight.” She sighs as Kuroo doesn’t answer, nipping in his lips and keeping his eyes on his friend. “You know, I’m actually happy.” 

Surprised, Kuroo looks up. Mrs. Kozume smiles at him, and it’s soft and sincere, confusing him. Kuroo waits patiently for her to place a wet towel on Kenma’s forehead before she speaks again. 

“Kenma has never had many friends. He barely makes any efforts if it doesn’t involve video games. So for him to be sick today, means he truly gave his all for someone - and not because of someone.” Kuroo opens his mouth to apologize for the hundredth time and she hastily adds, “You bring out the best in Kenma, Tetsurou. And I’m sure Kenma does the same for you.” She looks at him and smiles brightly, warming Kuroo’s heart. “I’m really grateful to know you both have each other’s back.” 

Kuroo doesn’t know what to answer so he stays silent, quietly conveying his own thankfulness to this family. He remembers being happy and envious when he first stepped foot in this house a few years back, but he’s relieved the feeling changed into pure gratefulness and happiness. He is their friend now, and they are the best friends he has ever had. 

Mrs. Kozume is right, Kenma does feel better at the end of the afternoon, and even convinces his parents to let them play video games for a bit. Kuroo is relieved to see his friend smile and tease again. He’s not totally healed, and is still a bit warm, but he definitely looks and feels better. And so Kuroo’s worry flies away, as he plays and laughs with Kenma for the rest of the evening. They’re both thrilled when Kenma’s father brings them dinner in Kenma’s room, and they eat while playing as if it was the very first time. 

As the sun starts to set, Kuroo feels apprehension building in his chest. He tries to brush it off, knowing he can’t do much about it. He feels so happy and warm in Kenma’s room, just playing and eating hot food, talking and laughing. He doesn’t want to go back home. Even less today, when he has spent half the day worrying about Kenma. Feeling free of any negative feeling felt good for a while, he isn’t ready to go back to his grandparents’. 

It’s Saturday night, so his father is probably home, back from work, laying on the couch with a beer in hand. His grandmother is probably sitting at the kitchen’s table, crying, while his grandfather is either yelling at his father or grumbling insanities all around the house. He doesn’t want to go back to that. 

Kenma looks at him, and Kuroo’s gaze flicks to the screen, only noticing now that he has lost. He’s about to apologize when Kenma speaks, frowning:

“Do you want to sleep here?” 

Kuroo’s brows shoot up, not expecting Kenma to offer him to stay for the night. He has never stayed here later than dinner, until now. But as he sees the concern in Kenma’s eyes, Kuroo understands that he has not been very subtle in hiding his discomfort. The fact that his family isn’t welcoming is not a secret to the Kozumes, but still, he doesn’t want to intrude. 

“Mom and Dad will be okay with it,” Kenma cuts him off again before he can voice his concerns. “We just have to ask.” 

That’s how Kuroo finds himself stepping into Kenma’s spare futon a few hours after calling his grandparents to tell them he is staying at Kenma’s. His grandmother had been understanding and wished him goodnight. 

And for the first time for a long time, Kuroo falls asleep in a peaceful house, with no need to bury his head in between two pillows. 

Since that night, the Kozumes offered him to stay the night more often than it was acceptable to. Kuroo feels grateful, but he doesn’t want to leave his grandparents alone, and doesn’t want to take advantage of the Kozume’s hospitality. So he never accepts, promising himself that it will only be for the days he truly needs to get out of his house. 

It happens again in his third year of middle school, as the house phone rings in the middle of the night. They are all surprised, his grandmother answers, and talks a bit with the person before she comes to Kuroo’s room, eyes shining. Kuroo doesn’t know how she has so many tears inside her, but says nothing when she asks him to come down because someone wants to talk to him. He casts a quick glance to the clock in the living room, and his confusion only grows when he reads past midnight. 

He takes the phone, brows furrowed, looking at his grandmother standing in the doorway, staring at him. “Hello?” 

“Tetsu?” A light voice echoes in the phone and Kuroo’s heart missed a beat. “Is that you?” 

It takes him a while to process, air flowing out of his lungs before he can breathe out, “Katsumi?” 

His sister laughs, quiet and airy, and it takes two seconds for her laugh to change into sobs. Kuroo doesn’t know what to do, he feels his own throat itching and his eyes watering, as his hold on the phone tightens to ground himself. 

“What happened to ‘Onee-san’?” she asks between two sobs, trying to make it sound casual, but Kuroo can feel the hurt even through the phone. 

It feels wrong. He has come to terms about not having a family anymore a long time ago, said goodbye to his mother and sister, and accepted that his father was just a shell of what he used to be. Calling her his sister hurts, it opens a wound he has tried to heal several times. She can’t ask him to call her his sister when she abandoned him. 

“Fair, I guess,” she says after his silence, sniffing loudly and trying to even her breathing. 

Kuroo bites his lips, forcing the tears to stay inside, not wanting to cry in front of his grandmother who is still looking at him. He feels worry creeping in his chest, and everything feels wrong. His sister calling after four years in the middle of night unsettles him to a point he cannot describe. 

“Did something happen?” he asks then, voice hoarse. 

“College?” she answers, laughing nervously. She pauses, waiting for something, but Kuroo doesn’t know what. He doesn’t know how to act, what to say. It’s been so long since he talked to her. She sighs, and he can hear the tremble of his voice, a sign that she’s trying to hold back another wave of tears. “I guess I needed some familiarity.” 

Kuroo refrains from snorting, opting for staying silent. He remembers too well that day he asked her what a family was. She didn’t think they were one back then, he doesn’t understand why she suddenly needs to call him as such. Kuroo is hurt. He would have never thought of opening this part of his life again, and he doesn’t want to. He’s mad that she’s forcing him to, that she’s trying to come back as if nothing happened. But deep down, he would give anything to feel her arms around him again; the only source of warmth he ever had back when they were a ghost of a family. 

He sighs at his turn, closing his eyes. “Katsumi, why are you calling?” 

“What do you want me to say? I feel horrible. I spent four years trying to convince myself that I didn’t abandon you, that it was the best choice I could have made for my sanity. Do you even know how scary it is to fly away all alone and start a new life without any support?” Her voice breaks a little at the end, and Kuroo takes a huge breath in. 

“You wanted this.” 

“No. I wanted to have a family that would support me in my choices. I wanted a family that didn’t give me the role of a mother when I was only fifteen years old. But I didn’t have that, so I moved out.” She pauses, blowing loudly next to the phone. After a few seconds, she breathes out, broken. “I’m just sorry. I’m sorry I let you down. I should have done better for you. Maybe we didn’t have considerate parents, but we had each other, and I was too young and dumb to know what it meant. I’m sorry Tetsu.” 

Kuroo can’t help himself. Tears flow down his cheeks, even as he shakes his head violently, clenching the phone in his hands. 

“You can’t say that,” he says in a whisper. “You can’t say that when you left me with him.” 

“I know!” She cuts him off before he can add anything. “I know and I’m sorry. I just thought you would be okay with Grandpa and Grandma. Listen- listen, Tetsu, you’re still in middle school, right?” Kuroo nods, even if she can’t see him. “You’re still young, and I am too. We can make this work. I’m not asking you to forgive or forget. I’m asking for a new chance to make things right. You’re the only person I have left, the only hope I have.” She’s crying again, stuttering through the tears. “We’ll start slow. And I’ll never let you go again, I promise. Give me a chance to be the sister that you deserve.” 

There’s a long and heavy silence between them, punctuated with sobs before Kuroo answers, “I’ll think about it.” 

She gives a sigh of relief at the other end of the line, sobbing louder. “Thank you. Thank you so much. You will call me when you’re ready, right?” Kuroo hums, turning to his grandmother who’s now crying at the table, looking at him with a fond smile. “Please, say thank you to the hags for taking care of you.” 

Kuroo lets out a strangled laugh, “I will.” She chuckles lightly and the sound sends a warm tingling to his heart. “Katsumi?” 

“Hm?”

“I’ve missed you.” 

There’s another silence before his sister answers, voice hoarse, “I’ve missed you too little brat.” 

When Kuroo hangs up, the silence is deafening. He doesn’t have the courage to look up at his grandmother, and doesn’t even care about waiting for his father who’s climbing down the stairs. He is suffocating, he feels out of place. He doesn’t know what he is or where he belongs. What if his sister and he make up? They don’t have parents, they don’t have a house, will they still be a family? He doesn’t know what to believe as all the walls he has built over the years collapse. He needs help, he needs warmth, he needs a solid foundation to count on. So without any words, he turns around and leaves the house, running down the streets. 

He stops in front of Kenma’s house and is not surprised to see a flickering light in Kenma’s room. He wastes no time and takes his shoe off, throwing it on his window. Kenma appears a few seconds after. 

“Kuro? You’re gonna get me punished again! Go away!” he whispers, eyes round. 

But Kuroo shakes his head, and he can’t help the sobs escaping his lips. Kenma frowns at the sound. 

“Can I come in?” he asks, wiping his nose with his shirt. 

Kenma closes the window and disappears, so Kuroo walks to the front door and waits patiently. It takes Kenma a minute to unlock it, sliding it open just enough for Kuroo to step inside. Kenma closes back the door and turns to him. 

“Are you crying?” Kenma asks, and it does nothing to calm Kuroo. He starts crying more, heavy breaths echoing in the room. “Ssshhh!” Kenma places a finger on his lips and takes Kuroo’s hand with his free one, leading him upstairs. “We’re both going to get killed if we get caught. Come with me.” 

They are in the middle of the stairs when the light flicks on, and Kenma’s mother appears at the top, both hands put sternly on her hips, frowning at them. 

“How would you like to get killed children?” 

In the end, they both are saved from death, but not from punishment. Still, Kuroo can’t bring himself to care, because five minutes later he is sitting in the living room next to Kenma, a cup of tea in one hand, and Kenma’s hand in the other. Mrs. Kozume is sitting on the sofa facing them, waiting for him to finish his cup. 

“Do you want to talk about it, Tetsu-kun?” she asks, voice quiet, never demanding. 

Kuroo shrugs. He doesn’t know. The Kozumes have always been good at knowing what’s wrong with him without him telling them anything. He knows they can’t know about this, and he knows talking to them usually makes him feel better. If it was anything else he probably wouldn’t have said anything, thinking it was too stupid to talk about. But this time, it seems serious, something that could really change his daily life. And he needs advice, from an adult if possible. So he takes a sip of his drink. 

“It’s my sister,” he admits, looking down to the tea. 

“You have a sister?” Kenma almost screams, surprised. Kuroo winces - he has never told anything about his family. First, because he doesn’t like to talk about it, and second because he didn’t see the need before now. He nods. 

“Kenma, let him finish,” Mrs. Kozume reprimands with a sigh. 

“She called. I haven’t heard from her in four years before today.” He stares at the steam, biting his lips. 

“Did she go with your mother?” Kenma’s mother asks, and Kuroo can hear Kenma grumbles in his breath that ‘he isn’t allowed to interrupt but here she is asking questions’. Kuroo smiles. 

“No,” he says, shaking his head. “She moved out for her studies after high school. And then Mom moved out, and Dad and I ended up here. She’s in college now.” 

“Ah,” Mrs. Kozume laughs slightly. “That’s why she called you.” Kuroo looks up at her, questioning. “College is a pretty hard environment. You tend to think about what was and what will never be. She probably felt really bad about leaving and felt lonely.” 

Kuroo nods. “That’s what she said.” He plays with his fingers, looking down again at his cup, frowning. Kenma’s hand in his is warm, and almost the only thing that keeps him talking. He feels safe. “I don’t know if I want her back.” 

There’s a silence, in which Kenma squeezes his hand. Mrs. Kozume adds nothing, but he can feel her gaze on him, probably analyzing him. He’s used to it by now - the Kozumes have that tendency to scrutinize him as if he is an open book. He winces. 

“Okay, maybe it’s a bit of a lie. I missed her but, I’m just…” He trails off, not knowing how to say it, unable to put into words the mess of emotions battling in his heart. 

“Hurt? Betrayed?” Kenma’s mom says, and her voice is soft, suggesting. Kuroo nods. 

“You don’t have to trust her,” Kenma speaks, capturing Kuroo’s attention as he turns to look at his friend. He is frowning, playing with the hem of his shirt. “I mean, not right now? It’s like a game. There are goals, there are levels, you just have to do it step by step.” 

Kuroo lets Kenma’s words wash over him. Kenma isn’t wrong - he rarely is. They can start small, he can still refuse if it’s too much, he can ask her to go step by step. As much as he feels betrayed, as much as he hated her, he still misses her. And he doesn’t want to lose another chance with her. Plus, she seems like she needs it too. Kuroo has rarely seen her cry. He has seen her angry, that’s for sure, but crying isn’t usually in her habits. She is his sister, if he can help, even just for a bit, then he wants to try. 

He nods, wiping the tears that have made their way down his cheeks, breathing out slowly. A hand reaches for his half empty cup, and Kuroo looks up at Mrs. Kozume who smiles at him and takes care of the tea. She kisses the top of his head, ruffling his hair. 

“You should probably sleep on it for a bit, it’ll help you I think. Plus, you boys have school tomorrow, so go get some sleep.” She pushes them out of the living room, looking at them climbing the stairs before going to the kitchen. 

Kuroo follows Kenma into his room, chest heavy, eyes swollen. He braces himself to find the motivation to put the spare futon out, but Kenma just leads him to his bed, hand still clinging to his. 

“It’s okay, I can-” he starts, but Kenma cuts him off. 

“I don’t mind.” Kenma climbs in his bed, pulling Kuroo in. They lay down, and Kenma adjusts the blanket on both of them, and wraps his arms around Kuroo’s chest. “I’m sorry this is happening to you,” he murmurs, looking at Kuroo’s chest to prevent looking at his face. Kuroo’s throat itches. “Mom is right though, get some sleep.” 

“You’re not the best suited to tell me that, Kenma.” Kenma kicks his ribs, and Kuroo chuckles slightly, sound changing into sobs after a while. 

Kenma hugs him tighter, and Kuroo cries until he falls asleep. 

__________

  
  


They are married. Bound by law, god, or whatever being married means. They are a family of their own now, composed of two lovers that have promised to stay together. Kuroo would have promised it anyway, but calling Kenma his husband is even more satisfying than he thought it would be. The moment they get out of the room, hand in hand, he tastes it, looking at the blonde fondly, smirking. 

“I didn’t get to tell it to you back then, but you look stunning, my husband.” 

Kenma looks up at him, half amused, half annoyed, and rolls his eyes before answering. “You really had to do it, Kuro?” 

Kuroo laughs, kissing the top of his head. “Ah, I don’t know who that Kuro is though.” He breaks a large smirk as Kenma gives him a pointed look. “Damn Kenma, cheating on me already? We just got married!” 

Kenma kicks him in the ribs and Kuroo laughs, feeling his heart burst. “I’m not calling you Kozume.” There’s a faint blush on Kenma’s cheeks and Kuroo lives for it. 

“You can call me Tetsurou, though.” He winks at Kenma’s wrinkled nose. 

“Don’t make me regret marrying you.” 

Kuroo laughs and brings Kenma into a hug, posing his chin on the blonde’s head as Kenma burrows his face against his chest. They fit like two perfect pieces of a puzzle; meant to be. 

_________

  
  


Since that night, staying overnight at Kenma’s has become a habit. They will eat together with his parents, and naturally climb upstairs to play games and prepare Kuroo’s futon. It’s simple, and Kuroo gets used to it. He feels less and less uncomfortable, and just accepts that the whole family is okay with it. He has never felt that grateful for anyone. 

With time, he stops throwing his shoes at Kenma’s window, and just learns to ring, no matter the hour. There will always be one member of the family opening the door for him, and willing to listen to him talk about his problems if he wants to. Kuroo doesn’t count the number of times he ends up crying in the middle of the night in the Kozume’s living room, cuddled up against Kenma or his mother, crying until he has no tears left. He still goes every other morning to run with Mr. Kozume, and it’s one of the few things keeping him sane all day. 

Day after day he feels better, he feels loved. It becomes easier to stay home, ignoring his father and helping his grandparents because he knows he can run to Kenma’s if he ever feels the need to. It’s comforting. He tries to help in the Kozume’s house too - it makes Kenma grumpy because his parents say Kuroo does more around the house than him, but Kenma doesn’t actually mind. 

Kuroo climbs down the stairs to the kitchen, where he finds Mrs. Kozume putting plates on the table, talking with her husband reading the newspaper. He says hi, taking a seat at the table. 

“Is Kenma taking his shower?” she asks, putting rice in his plate. 

Kuroo nods, thanking her. “Yeah, he’s grumpier than usual this morning.” 

“Did you prevent him from playing until late last night?” Mr. Kozume speaks, looking over the papers in a grin. 

Kuroo nods again, smiling. “Yeah.” 

They all laugh, starting to eat happily. Kenma joins them soon after, and his mother prepares his food. He sits at the table, eating with a frown. Kuroo lets him be, he will try and lift his mood on their way to school. He barely has time to finish his food when Mrs. Kozume stands up, ruffling his hair. She looks at him fondly, and though it’s not the first time, Kuroo feels like there’s something wrong. He doesn’t have time to dwell on it further before she puts a key on the table, next to him. Kuroo frowns. 

“This is for you,” she affirms, her smile growing wide. “It’s a key to our house.” 

Kuroo blinks, processing the words. He looks up to Kenma, who’s still eating as if nothing happened, but notices the way he is more relaxed. Mr. Kozume is looking at him with a smile too, and says,“We’ve been wanting to give it to you a while ago now. But we only got the new key yesterday.”

He lets out a strangled laugh, looking at the three members of the family successively. They have to be kidding, right? What would they give him a key to their own house for? Kenma sighs, putting down his fork. 

“It’s not a joke, Kuro.” 

Kuroo shakes his head, pushing the key away. “I can’t accept this,” he breathes out, shock still flowing down his veins. “This is too much. It’s your house, I-”

“We thought it would be easier for you to come here when it’s late.” Mrs. Kozume says, still standing at his side. “You can still wake us up if you need to talk of course, we will probably hear you coming in anyway. But this way you can just come in and slip into Kenma’s room if you want.” She points her finger at him, frowning. “For emergencies only though! No twisted tricks!” 

Kuroo blinks, heart squeezing in his chest. He’s about to refuse once more but Mr. Kozume cuts him off. 

“Take it, son. We’re happy to give it to you.” He smiles, and it’s warm and welcoming and Kuroo knows he means every word. 

Kuroo can’t help it, he takes a huge breath in and brings his arm to his face, hiding the tears gathering in his eyes. He feels Mrs. Kozume’s hand in his hair, and Kenma kicks his leg slightly under the table. 

It’s too much. More than he can accept, more than he deserves. The Kozumes have always been a constant pillar in his life since he moved out. They have accepted him, accepted his friendship, and considered him a part of their family. He has always been grateful for them, thinking they are more than what he deserves. He fears the day they will understand that he’s small and broken, a kid that has nothing much to offer except his love. But for now, he is happy to accept their gift, happy to know that he has found a family. One that belongs to the first category; reliable and warm, bound together by trust and love. 

He’s not alone anymore. 

And they prove it to him every day of his life. 

Kuroo goes to high school. His grandparents are proud of him and put extra food in his bento, way more than necessary. Kenma’s parents are as excited as his grandparents and take pictures, insisting that it’s a day that needs to be remembered. He’s not as excited as them. It means another year without Kenma. 

They still walk together for a bit, but then Kuroo has to take the train and Kenma continues his way to middle school. It’s not like they don’t see each other, they spend their afternoon together after school and Kuroo still crashes to Kenma’s house at night from time to time. But still, it’s a bit lonely without Kenma at lunch. 

He makes new friends. Joining the volleyball club, Kuroo meets Yaku and Kai, the only first years. They get along pretty well, and he finds in them a new warmth he has been missing for a while. He had friends back to middle school, but no one he considered as important as Kenma. Actually, no one can be as important as Kenma, but Yaku and Kai bring a new light to his life. 

Somehow, they’re a family that he chose. Yaku reminds him a bit of his sister, when they used to tease each other, sometimes with more heat than intended. And Kai is always happy to separate them and laugh with them, even though he’s always the first to agree with any dumb things they can do to make their life a bit more fun. It’s cool, it’s new, and Kuroo likes it. 

Katsumi asks him for some pictures, consistently saying that despite everything, she misses high school and her old friends. They are doing better. It took Kuroo almost a month before calling her, and they agreed to call each other from time to time back when he was in middle school. It started once every month, and then twice. But since Kuroo got his phone last year, they exchanged numbers and text each other more often about everything and nothing. She seems to be better, she still cries sometimes when they call each other, but Kuroo thinks that finding each other again makes her happy. And he would be lying if he says it doesn’t make him happy too. They still haven't met again, though she has proposed it many times, saying she misses the country and would be happy to come back for a while for holidays. But Kuroo is not ready. Not yet. 

Good luck on your match today! 

Kuroo looks at the message from his sister and smiles, locking his phone. He’s glad that she remembers it, and even wished him good luck, but to be honest, he is anxious. It’s their first time doing an important match, and he knows he’s going to play today, because he’s one of the tallest in the team. But he’s not sure he’s best suited for it, and is afraid of failing the team. 

He sighs, ignoring Kai’s insistent look at him, closing his eyes. The lights of the gym blind him a bit, but he guesses it’s just because of his stress. They are all sitting on the bench, waiting for the court to be free, so they can start their first match. He can hear his teammates’ families cheering out for them, even before the match starts. Yaku is talking to his younger brothers, yelling at them for bending down over the bars of the stands, shouting that they will fall. It’s heart-warming to hear, but Kuroo feels a pang to his chest. 

He hasn’t told his grandparents that he had a match today. He knows they would have loved to come, but the gym is too far away for them, taking the trains would drain them too much. He’s not really upset about it, but he can’t say he wouldn’t be happier and more relaxed if he had family cheering up for him. 

He hears his teammates standing up and feels a tap on his back. Kuroo sighs, opens his eyes and stands up at his turn. He can do this, he has to do this, for his teammates. They warm up a bit on the court, Kuroo spikes a few balls, and his muscles relax, as he sighs again and again to expel all the tension out of his body. He has to be focused, he has to keep stress away from his game.

They are lined up on the court, saluting the opposite team when Kuroo hears it. 

“Let’s go, Tetsu-kun!” 

He can’t help it, he straightens at speed light, turning around to the stands, eyes searching, seeking the voice he knows all too well by now. And when he finds it, when he finds them, his heart misses a beat. Kenma and his parents are standing on the stands, his grandparents sitting next to them. Mrs. Kozume is waving happily, bouncing from excitement and her husband is grinning at Kuroo, nodding slightly. His grandparents are waving at him too, with a smile on their face. Kenma is here, embarrassed that his mother had screamed, hiding behind his hands. But Kuroo doesn’t look away until Kenma looks up, and smiles at him slowly. 

His heart explodes, and he feels dizzy, feeling his eyes itching as tears threaten to spill from them. He swallows, refusing to cry, even with the burst of emotions overwhelming him. They are here. They are cheering for him. He gives a wide smile, waving at them, before Kai kicks him in the ribs, telling him he has to get to position.

They came to see him play. A wave of pride washes over him as he decides right there and then that he is going to play for them, for his grandparents, and the family that has accepted him as he is since he was nine. He owes them so much, and he plans on thanking them through this game. He plans on winning and shows them how grateful he is for their support. He has never felt that motivated for a match. 

They lose. The ride home is silent, heavy, except for the third years who cry at the back of the bus. When he comes back home, he knows the Kozumes and his grandparents are back from the match, but he can’t bring himself to see them. He had played for them, tried to thank them for their generosity and love, and he failed. He doesn’t know why he is surprised, he has never done anything but fail in every aspect of his life after all. 

Kuroo doesn’t want to stay alone though. So he climbs up silently to Kenma’s room, purposely avoiding Kenma’s parents in the living room. Kenma is playing games, as usual, and doesn’t say anything to him when Kuroo enters, only throwing a worried glance at him. Kuroo doesn’t talk either, he takes a book he has already read three times and opens it, sitting on the ground next to the bed. 

He feels useless. After everything everyone has done for him, he has failed in the only thing through which he could have made them proud. He had failed his team, that had been kind enough to include him in the game when he’s still a first year. He can’t help but repeat in his mind all the times he could have done better, all the times he messed up. Maybe they could have won if he hadn’t played. He is sure the team would have gone farther if it was Kai or Yaku playing instead of him. He fucked up his first match the team will never let him play ever again and he can’t even blame them. 

“Do you want to do some level up?” 

The voice startles him, and he jumps slightly, turning to Kenma. His friend is frowning at him, game paused. He considers it, feeling the frustration in his veins, the itching of his muscles begging him to keep playing, to keep moving, to prove himself as someone not useless. He nods. 

“Yeah.” 

They play at their usual place until Kenma can’t anymore, and Kuroo is left with his hands red and puffy. He cries several times, but keeps on playing, keeps on hitting again and again, exteriorizing all his frustration. Kenma says nothing, just stays there and sets for him. A calm and constant presence at his side. 

When they come back, the sun is already down. They open the door to Kenma’s house and immediately notice the smells of food filling the house. They go directly to the kitchen, where Mr. Kozume is setting the table and Kenma’s mother is preparing food. 

“Dinner is ready,” she says with a smile, “Go wash your hands and sit down.” 

The two friends do as told, and soon enough they are all sitting around the table, blessing the food. It’s silent, Kuroo doesn’t talk about his day while Kenma comments on it, like they usually do. Mrs and Mr Kozume barely talk too, only commenting about next week from time to time. Kuroo eats. He hates the atmosphere and despises it even more since he knows it’s his fault. So he eats, fast, focusing on his food instead of the silence, shoving rice into his mouth to prevent him from crying again, and focuses on the delicious taste of food to prevent his mind from wandering too far into dark places. 

He is half done when he stops, closing his hand into a tight fist and frowning at his bowl. Without warning, he talks loudly, firmly, stunning the Kozumes into a stop. 

“We lost. And I’m sorry, I wanted us to win for you today.” He doesn’t look up, brows knitting further. “Thank you so much for coming to see me.” 

“Tetsurou,” Mr. Kozume starts, but Kuroo interrupts him. 

He looks up, determined, and almost screams, “Next year! Next year we will win. Because next year Kenma will be on the team!” 

They all blink at him, stunned to silence in front of his outburst, before Kenma ducks his head, grumbling and blushing while his parents laugh wholeheartedly. Kuroo feels a weight off his shoulders, and his lips curve up slightly. 

Mr. Kozume looks at him with a wide grin, and Kuroo dares to think there is an ounce of pride in his eyes. “I’ll hold you to your words.” 

Kenma comes to high school. They slip back into their old routine, and even better the ride to school is longer, which means more time with Kenma. Kuroo introduces Yaku and Kai to Kenma and hopes everything will go well. He wants Kenma to find friends, he doesn't want Kenma to feel alone when he’s with Yaku and Kai. But more than that, Kuroo knows how much of a good friend Kenma is. And Kuroo wants for his fellow second years to have someone as good, kind hearted and dedicated as Kenma in their life. 

Fortunately, it goes well. Kenma has some difficulties with the third years, who refuse to acknowledge his talent, but he’s pretty good friends with Yaku and Kai. And Kuroo has hope that the first years in the team will be friends with Kenma too with time. He promises himself to build a team around his best friend next year. He knows Kenma deserves it, and he is certain that Kenma, combined with the efforts of all the team, will lead them to nationals. It’s a promise he makes to himself, and one that he counts on achieving. 

Kuroo sees his sister for the first time after eight years. She texts him one day, telling him that she’s coming back to Tokyo for a few days, and she asks to meet. Kuroo is anxious, he doesn’t know what to expect, is afraid they won’t have anything to discuss, afraid to open a wound too quickly. He says yes, but just in case, he convinces Kenma to come with him. His sister said she doesn’t mind, he prefers it that way. 

Kenma is hard to convince, but he eventually gives in when Kuroo plans for it to be in the cat cafe not far away, and promises him to buy apple pie. He is fidgeting when they walk to the cafe, and Kenma is kind enough not to play on his psp, keeping conversation to try and help him calm himself. They’re standing outside, and Kuroo can’t help but check the hour again and again, even though they are perfectly on time. 

“Kuro, if you don’t stop doing this I will kick you,” Kenma grumbles, plunging his hands on his pockets. 

Kuroo sighs, and is about to say sorry when he notices her at the end of the street. After so many years, seeing his sister walking toward him sends shock through his body. She has changed a lot, without changing much. It’s weird, really. Kuroo can see that she’s different from the teenager she was before she left. She’s taller, though not by much. She has longer hair, and he can see how much of a woman she looks now. But she still has the same face she had back then. They also still have the same eyes. 

Katsumi stops a few feet away from them, and it’s awkward. Kuroo doesn’t know what to do. A hug feels too intimate, shaking hands too formal. Should he wave or does that look stupid? What should he say for their first meeting? How should he call her? He can do nothing else but stare, and panic fills in his chest when she frowns, looking at him up and down. 

“Fucking hell!” she almost screams, and both he and Kenma jump at the sudden outburst. “What did you eat to be that tall? How come you have all the good genes? You could have spared some height, you selfish brat.” 

Kuroo blinks, eyebrows rising so high they probably got lost under his messy hair. Kenma is the first one to react as he snorts behind him, attracting his sister’s gaze on him. She smiles, and it’s weird and teasing, and Kuroo feels like he’s looking in a mirror. 

“You must be Kenma!” Kenma moves to his side and nods, smiling slightly. “Weren’t you a brunette like, two weeks ago?” she asks, frowning at him and bending a bit to observe the blonde. Kenma doesn’t even flinch and Kuroo will have to congratulate him for it later. 

Kenma shrugs, looking sideways at Kuroo, who still hasn’t told anything. “Yeah, dyed it last week.”

She brings her hand together in a clap and smiles widely, “You look pretty!” 

Truly, Kuroo can do nothing but stare, being surprised minute after minute, unable to say anything. It hits him now, that he has a lot to learn about his sister. The last years they spent talking to each other through calls and messages, she has been nothing but a ball of energy and sunshine, except for the lows of life. But he hadn’t thought she would act like it in real life, even less with Kenma, who she has never met before, despite knowing all about him through what Kuroo has told her. Katsumi straightens up and frowns at him. 

“What happened to your tongue, Tetsu? Did a cat eat it?” she says, settling her hands on her hips.

Kuroo finally moves, frowning and putting his hands in front of his chest. “No, I’m fine. Let’s get something to eat. I'm angry. And you’re late.” There’s no real anger in his tone though,and both of them know it as she snorts and rolls her eyes. 

“I was five minutes late, come on, don’t be a nerd.” She complains, following them into the shop. 

Kenma snickers, “You can’t ask that of him, it’s an integral part of his personality.” 

Kuroo squints at him, feeling the betrayal. He doesn’t like how quickly his sister and Kenma have clicked, and how they are both turning against him. But truly, he should have seen it coming. He hears his sister laugh, loud and obnoxious, and he hates how much it sounds like his own laugh. 

“Damn, I love you already!” 

It’s nice, Kuroo has to admit. They talk a lot about his sister’s new job, about school and old teachers. They laugh and eat and drink and it’s not weird or painful, as Kuroo thought it would. Katsumi is happy, Kuroo can see. She hasn’t stopped smiling and rambling, and she’s not afraid to act like that around Kenma. He has always seen her a bit colder, a bit more closed to people, and maybe she still is to some extent, but not with them. 

They are walking back home together, Katsumi insisting on seeing their grandparents and commenting on their day. Kenma seems happy too, even if he’s clearly tired and needs to be alone. Kuroo notices the way he scoots closer when they walk, hiding slightly, seeking warmth. Kuroo passes his arm around Kenma's shoulder, and they continue the road, laughing slightly. They both say goodbye to the blonde, Katsumi making Kenma swear that they will see each other again. 

The small walk to his grandparents’ is long, Kuroo sees the way his sister hides her hands in her pockets and slows down the pace. But her head is raised, determined, daring anyone to hurt her again. Kuroo would like to have that kind of look on his own one day. When he looks down at his feet, he feels a slight push and looks up to Katsumi, who’s smirking. 

“So, when are you going to make a move?”

Kuroo frowns, putting his hands in his pockets jacket too. “On what?” 

She looks at him sideways, rolling her eyes answering, as if it is the most obvious thing. “On Kenma, of course.” But Kuroo only frowns. “Come on, don’t even try to lie to me. It’s so obvious it was painful.”

Kuroo slowly grows more annoyed, discomfort growing in his chest. What could she know about Kenma that he doesn’t, anyway? He can’t find anything and truly doesn't like the way she is speaking. He’s about to ask her what she means when she stops, looking at him with wide eyes. 

“Holy shit. You don’t know it yet?” she breathes out, sincerely shocked. 

Kuroo clicks his tongue, stopping two steps ahead of her, shifting his weight on his feet. “Know what?”

“Oh my god!” Katsumi approaches him, poses both hands on his shoulder and looks at him straight in the eyes. “Tetsu. You’re in love with Kenma.” 

His answer is a reflex, a defensive way to recoil from the unknown, a mechanism made to protect him; he shoves her arms away and takes two steps farther from her. His frown is deep, strong, and a nervous snort escapes his mouth. 

“What the- No!?” he almost screams, looking at her with disgust. He had expected a lot of things coming from his sister, but certainly not this. “Kenma is my best friend.” 

She blinks, lips slightly parting. “This is more serious than I thought. Tetsu, are you for real?” 

“Well, are you?” Kuroo snaps back, recoiling again. “I’ve known him since I was nine, he’s like…” Kuroo doesn’t know why the words seem hard to find, and he does nothing to calm his beating heart. He wants to run away when he says, words feeling wrong in his mouth, “... a brother?” 

The face of disgust his sister makes would have caused him to stumble with laughter if his mind wasn’t in complete panic. She sounds scandalized when she asks, “Do you consider me on the same level as Kenma?” 

Kuroo can’t help the noise of disgust escaping him as his wrinkles in discomfort. “What? No!” 

“Thank god, because if you looked at me like you look at him, I would actually puke.” Kuroo feels dizzy and has to tap his foot to ground him. “I saw the way you two act around each other. Please do me a favor and ask him out.” She starts walking again, as if the conversation is done, as if she hasn’t shattered Kuroo’s world. “You’ll thank me later.” 

“I’m not- I-” Kuroo doesn’t even know what to say anymore as she walks past him, and he finds himself looking at his feet. 

“Trust me, I know you enough to say-”

That is the last straw. Kuroo turns around to find her turned to him. He doesn’t even let her finish her sentence before the words fly out of his mouth, impossible to keep inside. 

“What do you even know about me?” Her eyes widen, and her brows furrow, but Kuroo doesn’t stop. “If you think calls and messages fixed eight years apart you have been delusional, Katsumi.” Kuroo sees the hurt in her eyes, but truly he doesn’t even care, the pain in his chest is too messy and deep to think about anything else right now. “You know nothing about me.” 

And without another word, Kuroo turns around and walks away. 

___________

  
  


Kuroo stands up, kissing Kenma’s hairline softly as he does, and walks around the table to the empty dance floor. He doesn’t even need to ask for attention, the guests are already turned towards him, probably expecting and dreading this moment since the beginning of the reception. He smiles, stopping at the center of the room, facing everyone. 

“I know you have all been waiting for this moment impatiently,” he starts, loud enough for everyone to hear, and his intervention is welcomed with a lot of groans and laughs. “You all should be grateful enough I left the speech for the ceremony.”

In contrast to what he thought, Kuroo isn’t nervous. He has spent so much time turning in his bed, trying to think about what his speech would be, what he would say. Every single idea he had had been too heavy, too emotional, but in the end, Kuroo didn’t have anything else to talk about, and couldn’t bring himself not to mention them. That’s why he started his speech with: 

“For most of the people here, I’ve been the one bringing Kenma out of his shell. But for the people that have not been with me since childhood; I owe you all the truth. I’ve never tried to hide it, but I’ve never told it directly either. If Kenma hadn’t been here all my life, I don’t know where I would be today.” 

Kuroo turns to his husband, who’s sitting with his legs brought against his chest on his chair, chin settled on his knees, smiling softly. Kuroo can already feel his throat itching, and he knows he’s going to cry anytime soon, but he has to go through it, he has thanks to give that has been laying in his heart for too long. 

“I’m not putting the blame on my family,” he adds, quickly looking at his dad, sitting with his grandfather on a table, “But I’ve been pretty fucked up as a kid.” A nervous chuckle escapes him. “I was an anxious boy, without much of interest in anything - except maybe volleyball.” He chuckles again and the room laughs with him. “And Kenma was an anxious boy, without much of interest in anything - except video games. I found a best friend in him, a confidant, someone I could rely on. He has seen me during my worst, helped me during the lowest times.”

The room is quiet. He knows most people already know this story, they aren’t his friends for nothing, they aren’t the family he has chosen for nothing. But it feels important for him to say it. So he continues, even if his eyes start to burn, even if he knows he’s making the mood heavy.

“I’ve grown up with two ideas of a family. One brought together by blood, kept together only by the only fact that the same DNA runs in their genes. And one brought together by love and trust, kept together through highs and lows, through wars and love. Kenma is the one who gives me this side of a family.” 

Someone whistles in the room and Kuroo’s eyes trail the guests to see Yaku smirking, whistling again. Kuroo laughs, rolling his eyes, feeling warmth and recognition building in his chest. 

“Not that kind of family,” he explains, and then turns to Kenma, who’s blushing, winking at him. “Not yet.” The room erupts into claps and laughter and Kenma has to hide himself between his knees. “What I’m trying to say is, Kenma is the one who also introduced me to the most important people of my life. After himself, of course, and maybe even after Katsumi, but this is debatable.” He winks at his sister sitting at the large table not far from Kenma, and she arches a brow at him. He turns to Kenma’s parents sitting at his husband’s right, and smiles. “I’m talking about the Kozumes.” 

__________

  
  


Kuroo has already gone through some shit throughout his life, but this is something new that he doesn’t know how to deal with. The worst thing about it is that he can’t even talk about it to Kenma. He has been brutally thrown into unknown territory, forced to realize a truth he didn’t want to acknowledge without any support to help him. 

He can’t be in love with Kenma. And yet, he has spent the past few weeks constantly thinking about it. He and Kenma have been close for almost ten years now. They have gone through childhood and teenagehood together, and have been best friends since then. Kuroo has always been close to Kenma. Passing a hand around his shoulders feels natural, sleeping in the same room too - they have been doing so for so long. They are comfortable around each other, they talk freely, are not ashamed or embarrassed. This has always felt normal for him, since they are best friends. 

If he had thought about it sooner, he would have seen the difference though. He doesn’t act with Kenma like he acts with Bokuto, Kai or even Yaku. Because Kenma is special, of course, because he has known him longer. But he doesn’t want to hug his other friends like he wants to hug Kenma. He doesn’t want to cuddle with his other friends when he’s sad, like he wants to with Kenma. He doesn’t think about how pretty his other friends are every day, doesn’t dwell on the fact that his friends’ hair gets longer, doesn’t pay attention to the way they smile or the way they interact with others. When it comes to Kenma however, his mind has never stopped wondering, never stopped lingering. 

The thing is; he shouldn’t be in love with Kenma. Because they were best friends since nine years old, because it would make everything weird, because he could fuck up their friendship. And even more than that, the Kozumes have been a constant presence for many years, what would they think of him if he’d say he’s in love with their son? He would not only lose Kenma, but also the closest people he considered to a family. He couldn’t have that happen. 

So he hides it. It’s weird at first, because now that he knows, he is hyper aware of everything. He stiffens when Kenma leans his head on his shoulder on the train while he plays his games. He blushes when he finds himself staring too long at the blonde. He refuses to go to Kenma's more and more, and laughs awkwardly when he eats with the whole family. Kenma notices it, of course, and calls him out on it. But he plays it off, saying he’s stressed about volleyball, and school. 

Month after month, it becomes easier to hide. Kuroo accepts that he is in love, and even though he’s scared someone will notice, he wouldn’t want it any other way. It has always been Kenma, and it will always be Kenma. He just lives with it, heart racing, but learning to brush it off, chest aching but pretending everything is fine. 

He apologizes to his sister, and she does the same. She shouldn’t have pushed him and should have let him find it by himself, and she’s aware of that. He can talk to her about it, but doesn’t really see the point of it. He likes Kenma, and Kenma doesn’t like him back, that’s all there is to the story. He can see his sister is frustrated, saying he didn’t even take his chance, but she doesn’t push it, and Kuroo appreciates it. 

As long as Kenma is next to him, he’s fine with it. 

That is, until he goes to college. 

He doesn’t move far away, it’s only eight hours by train, but it’s the first time he’s going to be so far from Kenma for such a long time. And even though they promise to keep in touch, it’s not the same. That only makes the goodbyes harder. 

Mr. Kozume brings him in for a forceful hug. He asks him to do his best, assures him that Kuroo is always welcomed at their house - after all, he keeps the keys - and tells him how proud he is. Kuroo almost cried, but just taps in his back and nods, putting an end to their embrace. 

Mrs. Kozume is already crying. She hugs him tight, just as she did numerous times when he needed it, trying to comfort it. And Kuroo needs it, so he relaxes at the touch, clearing his throat. She doesn’t let go, and talks softly in his ears, for only him to hear. 

“Please, don’t stay alone out there, don’t put all the burden on your shoulders and remember that you are loved.” Her voice trembles and she tightens her hold. “And wait for him. He doesn’t see it yet, he doesn’t understand the proportion of your love for him, and he’s not aware of the same flame burning inside his heart.” Kuroo freezes, but she continues, “I know it’s a selfish demand. But wait for him, I know you are good for each other.” 

Kuroo has to bite his lips to prevent the sobs as tears gather in his eyes. “You knew?” 

Mrs. Kozume chuckles, breath tickling his skin, “Oh, Tetsu. He is my son, and you’ve been a part of this family for so long. How could I not notice a love so pure and sincere?” 

Kuroo loses it. He hugs her tight, burying his head into her neck crying loudly, letting out years of fear of rejection, getting rid of all the tension he has accumulated. She passes her hand through his hair, whispering encouraging words. It takes a few seconds to get a hold of himself, and he murmurs as they part, promising, “I’ll wait for him.” He is sincere and she knows it as she smiles and taps on his cheeks proudly. 

Kuroo has already said goodbye to his grandparents and father at home, so the last person is Kenma. He turns to his best friend and looks at the way Kenma is playing with the hem on his shirt, the way his feet are so firmly buried in the ground, as if he is trying to stop himself from leaping at him. Kuroo smiles sadly. 

“Will I be lucky enough to have a hug on this last day?” he asks, opening his arms. 

Kenma doesn’t need to be told twice. He rolls his eyes and buries his small frame against Kuroo’s, wrapping his arms around him. Kuroo plunges his head into Kenma’s hair and takes a deep breath, engraving the smell in his mind. 

“Don’t talk as if it’s the last time we’ll see each other,” Kenma mumbles against his shirt. 

Kuroo laughs, trying to keep the tears he has left inside. He doesn’t want to go. He’s terrified at the idea of letting go, frightened of the unknown. Kenma knows it, so he hugs tighter, conveying everything in a simple touch. 

“Don’t forget about me, yeah?” Kuroo says, parting slightly. 

“As if I could forget about your dumb ass,” Kenma retorts, but Kuroo has the time to see how shinny his eyes are before Kenma looks away. Kuroo wants to laugh, but it gets stuck in his throat. He sighs, walking backwards to the train, waving. 

His eyes linger a little more on this family, the kind who’s warm and happy, the kind who’s reliable and fun, the kind who accepted him, that purposely made a place for him in their home. His eyes lay on Kenma, capturing the colors of his eyes, his blonde hair flying slightly around his face. He enters the train. 

He receives a message fives minutes after his departure, and he looks through it with wet eyes. 

“It’s scary to say goodbye, right? It’s scary to let go and it will be even scarier in a few months. It’s going to be hard Tetsu, but I promise, everything will be alright in the end. You’re not alone. Not anymore.” 

___________

Mrs. Kozume is crying, but she has a smile on her face, and she squeezes her husband’s hand on the table, who’s also smiling at Kuroo. He fully turns to them. 

“You have been here since I was nine, saw me in every shape and form, and just like your son, you accepted me as I am.” His voice cracks, but he continues, “You showed me how it is to be loved, without asking for anything in return. You showed me that love is not about deserving, and has never been. And for that, I am grateful.” 

Kuroo takes a deep breath and wipes the tears in his eyes before they could fall, chuckling slightly. “With your help, I have been able to enjoy my time with my grandparents, giving me and my grandfather the help we needed when my grandmother passed away. With your help, I have been able to accept my sister in my life once again. You both have done so much for me, and giving birth to my husband is the most beautiful of them all.” 

He casts a glance at Kenma, and the blonde rolls his eyes, but he’s biting his lips, hands closed in fists, proof that he’s trying not to cry. “I remember how scared Kenma was when I confessed to him.” There’s a snort echoing in the room, and Kuroo can’t help but laugh, rectifying. “I remember how scared Kenma was when he confessed to me.” The room laughs, and Kenma smiles at him, winking. “He was afraid of his parents’ reaction, but they knew it all along.” 

“Everybody but you two knew all along!” Bokuto screams, and he claps Katsumi’s hand, both laughing proudly at his intervention. 

Kuroo rolls his eyes, even though he knows his best friend is right. He smiles at them, “And you were both assholes about it.” Kuroo shakes his head as their laugh doubles, and turns back to the room. “What I meant to say before being rudely interrupted is; and yet here we are today. I am very grateful to be standing here today with all of you, to live this wonderful adventure.” 

Kuroo stands straight, putting his hands into his pocket. He takes out a key, turning it between his fingers. Through the years, he has learned all the shapes of it, and even though he hadn’t used it since forever, it still has a special place in his heart. He holds it between two fingers, showing it to the room. He smiles. 

“I will end this speech by saying this: many years ago, the Kozumes gave me a key to their house. And I gave a key to my heart to every single one of you in this room. Thank you for taking care of it.” 

  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, comments and kudos for the end of the year are very welcomed! And if you want, you can come scream at me on [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/_no0emiie?s=21)!


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